Breakups are brutal. It’s painful to lose a person who mattered so much to you. In the thick of everything, when even the little things like getting out of bed in the morning are hard, it almost feels impossible to feel good in your own skin. That’s where post-breakup self-love comes in.
While breakups are a part of life, sometimes it’s hard not to take them personally. You may start blaming yourself or start asking yourself questions like “am I unloveable?” or “why wasn’t I enough?” This blame game post-break-up can often lead to self-loathing, a loss of self, and poor self-image.
This is why it’s so important to learn how to love yourself after a breakup. Learning how to show yourself love and compassion is an important step on your healing journey.
So here are a few ways you can show yourself love post-breakup.
Tips for self-love after a breakup:
Feel all the feelings
Sad. Angry. Relieved. Hurt. No matter how you’re feeling, allow yourself to feel your emotions. You don’t have to analyze them or push them away. Just take them as they come, without criticism or judgement.
See the full picture
If the way you see yourself comes from all of the mean things your ex said about you, remember that this is only part of the story. You are not what they said about you. Sure, acknowledge they hurt you, but to rebuild your self-worth, see yourself as your own person outside of the relationship.
Forgive yourself
If you feel like it’s your fault for everything that went wrong, don’t. It’s a heavy burden not worth bearing. Things were said. Mistakes were made. You may feel regret and blame. Your ex probably does too. People make mistakes and nobody’s perfect. It may take time, but do try to forgive yourself and let go.
Practice self-care
Start small. Go on a walk a couple of times a week. Have a shower. Drink some water. Eat a delicious snack. Start a new hobby. Doing little things that make you feel better is a great way to practice self-love.
Be present with yourself
When you’re with someone for a while, you may become so intertwined with them and so focused on making them happy, that you end up putting yourself on the back burner. Come back to you and find your true self again. A few things you can try include yoga, meditation and positive affirmations.
Celebrate the little wins
Sometimes after a breakup, it’s just hard to be a person on top of all the obligations and responsibilities you have. That’s why it’s so important to take the little wins where you can. Made your bed? Had a shower? Went to work? Great! Celebrate that!
Show yourself compassion
On the flip side, while there are good days, there are also bad days too. Just as it’s important to celebrate the wins, it’s important to accept the losses and treat yourself with compassion. If all you were able to do today was drink wine and listen to sad music, that’s okay. Just take it one day at a time.
Remove the reminders
While it’s tempting to stalk your ex’s social media, listen to your guys’ song on loop, or sleep in their old t-shirt every night, get rid of all the reminders. Stop checking their Instagram. Gather up all the photos, trinkets and anything that reminds you of them and then throw them out or hide them somewhere.
Try something new
After a breakup, another way to practice self-love is to change things up. Change your hair. Take a kickboxing class. Learn how to play guitar. Get some new clothes. Trying something new after a relationship ends is a great way to refresh your life and gain some confidence.
Catch up with friends
Another way to cope after a breakup is reaching out to your support system. While you may not be in the mood for company at the moment, it’s good to make plans with friends and get out of the house for a bit. It’s helpful to talk about what you’re going through with the people who care about you.
Talk to your therapist
If you’re having a tough time, there’s no shame in scheduling an appointment with your therapist. Having someone to talk to and help you work on yourself can make a difference. Your therapist is better able to support you in ways that your friends and family cannot.
Reflect
Reflecting and checking in on yourself after a breakup is another good way to practice self-love. Whether you prefer journaling or recording vlogs and voice memos, reflecting on how you’re feeling is a great way to express yourself and your emotions. A few questions to ask yourself include:
- How am I feeling today?
- What did I learn about myself in this relationship?
- If I could go back, what would I do differently?
- What positives can I take away from this experience?
- In what ways did my ex make me better? Make me worse?
Final thoughts on self-love after a breakup
Breakups are incredibly painful and often your confidence can take a real hit. With these self-love tips though, you can slowly start healing and get back to loving yourself for all that you are. Even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, over time this pain will eventually go away.
